When I was reunited with my phone last night there was one text from Kathryn which was reassuring. It’s nice to know someone cares. If only to tell me that she can’t seem to email me. Today I am tying up loose ends at work and making sure I get as much done as possible before having my first two days off work since starting (except for the festival but I was in work mode and was on call for the whole time so that doesn’t count). I have no means of personal CD/tape player for the journey which means I am just going to have to just sit there and ignore my parents. Or wear my headphones and put the lead in my pocket thereby making them believe I am listening to music and can therefore not engage in coversation with them. If I just tell my mum at the beginning of the journey that a) I don’t have a boyfriend, b) I’m not a lesbian and c) Yes I am moving out, then I don’t think therell be anything left that she feels she needs to ask me. Having said that, it might be a prime opportunity for me to get them to agree to buying a flat with me… but not round the corner from them, someone in town. That will never happen so I think I’ll stick to my imaginary walkman idea.

I am quite tired again today, not that I went out last night. I think its cos I slept too well. I had quite a disturbing dream, the details of which I won’t be sharing with anyone – I imagine there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for it but I hope not to dream about the same thing ever again for all eternity. I have been falling asleep more or less as soon as my head hits the pillow recently. Again I think its cos I’ve been working hard all day for the past 7 months at my new job, rather than surfing the net and passing the time as easily as possible as I did in the banks. I sleep on my front as well which is really really comfy if you can cope with it. I watch telly before I go to bed, hit the sleep button for 30 mins, turn over and drift off to sleep probably within about 10 mins. Lovely. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, beds are a miracle of science. I sincerely hope that whoever was monarch at the time of its invention knighted Mr. Bed and thanked him on behalf of future generations. I love my bed. And I love to sleep.

I realised today as well that my dad, as best man at his brother’s wedding, is going to have to give a speech. I’m really looking forward to it. My dad is brilliant, I am almost certain that I get my amazing sense of humour from him. My dad or Peter Sellers that is, except I am related to the big goon on my mums side – which leads me to think that can’t be the case. My mother has a very strange sense of humour. Me and my dad are much more alike. My brother is like more like my mum. He is quite tight with money too. That is one thing us girls should be thankful for. We may have to suffer the pain of childbirth (should we choose to unleash our genes into the world) but at least we don’t have to give speeches at weddings. I would be particularly rubbish at that. I froze and broke out into a mild sweat in the office on Friday when someone came in to use the cameras and filmed me in order to practice. In my defence, he wasn’t the best interviewer and he should have prepared his questions more carefully, but I was the only one in the office and I hated every minute of it.

It’s evening now and the day has passed very quickly yet again. Got to be at Kings X to catch the 9am train to Newcastle but thanks to my stupid mum who lost the stupid tickets almost as soon as I gave her them, we have to get there in time to collect them and given that its at peak rush hour time I’d say we’ll have to be there at 8am. I have friends who live near Kings X and who will let me stay over so I can saunter across the road whereas my parents don’t and will be catching the train almost as soon as they go to bed tonight.

After finally locating my phone charger at work and now having the capacity to bring my phone back to life, I have spectacularly left my phone at home today. This is always a depressing thing to do as I can more or less guarantee that there will be no text or voice messages for me and the only missed calls will be from me trying to track it down or my mum trying to track me down. There will be about twenty reminders which will have popped up throughout the course of the day, reminding me to do things which, as a result of having left my phone at home, I won’t have remembered to do. Such is the wonder of the phone reminders.

I bought the final parts of my wedding outfit yesterday. Let’s tot it all up.

Brown angora wrap top - £55
Brown wool mix trousers - £65
Brown suede jacket - £40
Pink vest top - £8
Pink suede shoes - £25
Breast Cancer Awareness Pants - £4
Pink bra - £5
Pink corduroy bag - £5
Necklace - £8
Bracelet - £5
Ring - £5
Ear-rings £5

So that’s a grand total of… (drum roll)…. £230 = the most expensive outfit I have ever worn in my life. It does look pretty bloody great altogether though, even if I do say so myself. I had to get new jewellry cos I couldn’t wear silver as I normally do cos it doesn’t go. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it. I really need a watch to finish it off though…

And apparently it is customary to have a different outfit for the evening. That depends on how cold/hot the hall is going to be. I do have a black, white and grey swirly halterneck top which I was planning to wear with an incredibly short skirt but what with my parents being there I will try and dig out a pair of black trousers… I am hoping I can keep the same thing on all night – get the most out of my expensive outfit and then I can take the other top back to the shop – I can’t imagine I’ll be dancing at all cos I’ll have no-one to dance with. Kathryn is suggesting I might meet the man of my dreams but I can’t think who that could possibly be, given it will have to be someone either my uncle or his future wife is friends with or someone who lives in Newcastle or I’m related to. None of those criteria would be ideal.

I am liking this song a lot at the moment. It takes 1m56s to build up to the lyrics.

Last night I dreamt
That somebody loved me
No hope, but no harm
Just another false alarm

Last night I felt
real arms around me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm


So, tell me how long
Before the last one ?
And tell me how long
Before the right one ?


The story is old - I KNOW
But it goes on
The story is old - I KNOW
But it goes on


Oh, GOES ON
And on
Oh, goes on
And on

Emotions that I’ve been trying to blank from my mind for about 10 weeks are beginning to come to the forefront of my mind and I really wish I could suppress them again. With hindsight they are slightly intensified and it’s made me realise how much I hated being at the festival this year. Maybe next year I won’t do the whole thing, then it won’t be such a rollercoaster of emotions, although it’s not really the festival’s fault. It’s mostly mine for being over optimistic, unrealistic and trying to please everyone all the time and failing miserably and ending up getting hurt.

I spent the weekend thinking feeling really anxious which is why I decided not to drink on Saturday night when me and Dan went out. I had a horrible Edinburgh dream that night and woke up feeling even more confused. I’m just lucky I like my job otherwise I wouldn’t be very happy at all, stuck in yet another bank I imagine. I wonder where I would be now if I hadn’t got my job? I wouldn’t be friends with Kerry, Poppy, Mark or John FD either. It’s all about timing and the timing of me starting my new job couldn’t have been better.

I am sad to announce that so far Kerry and I have had a grand total of NO INVITES to other people’s Christmas parties. This is very disappointing but I guess it is still mid-October and people are only in the midst of planning their yuletide celebrations. You’d be forgiven for thinking it’s already Xmas if you worked off Regent Street like I do. More or less every shop has got Xmas decorations and gifts dotted around.

My stupid work email didn't work when I sent my blog entry to my email... today has been a bad day overall.

I am determined to have a good day today. I had a really brilliant weekend in Nottingham. I lost an hour somewhere on Friday evening – for some reason I thought it was 5.30pm and I still had another hour of work until I realised 20 mins later that it was 6.50pm and my train from Kings X was at 7.30pm. I zoomed out of the office and got there in plenty of time only for the train to be delayed. It was a GNER train so I should have expected it. I used the internet on my phone for the first time to see if I was going to make my connection at Grantham and it told me that I wouldn’t. And it was right.

Anyway I got to Dan’s at 10pm and spent the next few hours laying on his new sofa which is a long-overdue purchase. He’s really made his flat look lovely. I wish I had my own little flat like Dan’s. He has a living room with tiny kitchen and a bedroom and a tiny bathroom but its big enough for one and its really cosy. Like a true gentleman Dan let me have his bed and he slept on the sofa, although I suspect he was waiting for an excuse to turn it into a bed and have a go on it himself. We spent the whole afternoon shopping, Dan is such a great person to take to the shops, he’s very patient, gives good advice and doesn’t mind being dragged around. He’s perfect boyfriend material, but not for me! Got my wedding outfit more or less from Monsoon. I got a gorgeous brown cashmere wrap jumper thing and a pair of brown wool trousers with a barely visible pinstripe running through. The two items came to £120 and I nearly fell over, but remarkably the trousers fit brilliantly so I might have to splash out and get some more from there. It a rare thing to find trousers that fit me… I just don’t have the patience. I saw a really lovely pair of brown and pink shoes as well but I couldn’t find the left shoe to go with the right. Oh well. I have bought a pair of pink suede ones for £25 which will hopefully go with my outfit. Now I need a pale pink camisole to go under my cashmere top and I am sorted. Oh, and a top to go with the trousers for the evening – or an entirely different outfit! Not long to the wedding now, I’m really looking forward to it – and wearning my new get-up.

I bought a toaster for work from ASDA cos it was a ridiculous £5.95… so this morning on my way in I stopped off at Tescos to buy bread, crumpets, marmite, marmalade and jam! I do get excited by the stupidest little things. But now I can have breakfast and I won’t have my lunch so early and I will be ablet o concentrate in the mornings instead of longing for lunch time to come around. Well done me.

Also I found out today that there is a possibility that I might be going to Glasgow for a few weeks around December/January (hopefully not over my birthday) to work on a production that we have coming up – how exciting is that?! I’ve never been to Glasgow. I won’t know anyone but what the hell, I can have a wander about, it’ll be a new experience and a new city for me to explore. Not that I’ll have much time to myself but it’ll be time away from London and I could even go to a few comedy clubs while I’m there. It looks fairly certain so fingers crossed. Just so long as I don’t miss any cracking comedy down here. I might insist on getting the train too, although hopefully I’ll have been on a plane and proved I can enjoy flying by then. Spoke to Little Dan about going away somewhere in the new year too – a European city break for a weekend – that would be ace. But finances may yet prevent that. Especially given how much my wedding stuff has cost me – although I intend to get very good wear out of the top and the trousers. I shall be wearing them at every given opportunity.

Dan and I went out on the Saturday night too –despite the fact that we were knackered. We ended up being very middle-aged and trying to avoid places where there was a queue for the bar, no seats and loud music. Nottingham seems to be doing downmarket somewhat. That’s partially me being a snob but Dan was in agreeance. I felt so overdressed in my cords and parka – it was raining and freezing you see, but this didn’t stop a lot of “ladies” wearing skirts which even Dan thought left too little to the imagination, really tiny tops and no jackets!! I wouldn’t have been so repulsed if any of them had the figure to go with the clothes. I’m all for wearing whatever you feel comfy in but there must have been parts of their bodies with a very reduced supply of blood.

Just read on chortle that Richard Dreyfuss has dropped out of The Producers with Lee Evans but Nathan Lane has stepped in – in my opinion that’s even better – reunite the pairing in Mouse Hunt…

I'm trying to update my blog - i can only do it from home which is a pain in the arse and I am so busy at work I just about have time to breathe. But its good and I am still loving my job. Just as well cos I am there for the bulk of my time.

Anyway, I can't update my blog from work which is a pain - I did type a really long catch up entry but I have a really nasty feeling that I'm not sure where I saved it at work. Ho hum.

On Wednesday afternoon Kerry popped into the office cos I was going to film her telling a 5 min joke for an audition tape. We intended to do it in the office during my lunch break but one of my bosses decided we should take one of the swanky cameras, with a mic and headphones and go outside and do it. So we did – we headed over to Soho square, and the shopping centre off Carnaby street and had such a laugh. I am so lucky that I’m allowed to do things like that as part of my job but it’s only cos Kerry was in one of our productions – which is how I know her. We shot a few times on different locations and then came back and edited it together really really roughly. Hope she gets the job! I might have to take up my vocation as a director/producer.

I have bagsied myself a new keyboard from one of the newer macs. I was getting fed up with my tiny keyboard and no-one uses this new one so it is now mine to keep. It so much easier to use and a lot more responsive and doesn’t seem to care so much about my nails being too long. How sad is my life that it has come to me getting excited about having a new keyboard at work. I need to get out more.

As I was on the last train home the other night, having been drinking at UCL I found myself getting a little bit nostalgic about pre-Edinburgh days. I kind of wish the festival had never happened or least had happened a few months after it did. I think my life might have turned out slightly different – it might not have, but I would have had more of a chance to see if it could have done.