I made into bed at 11.45pm last night but then stupidly remembered that I had the 4th episode of the Boosh in my bag so prise myself out from my nice warm bed and put it on my DVD player. It's bloody brilliant - I am very impressed with Paul's directing on this series. I couldn't get to sleep until about 2am and then I kept waking up. I think I was too hot and tired and had too much on my mind. I was a little bit late for work today as a result. I am going straight home after work (to my parents) where my uncle and aunt will be and also a couple of randoms that my parents have agreed to put up for a night before the wedding. I was going to buy some more wax and finish my legs off at home but I have decided that not only will I not have time to finish the job but I also cannot be trusted, given the damage I have already done to my right leg. I am popping to the beauty place next door in about 10 minutes to get the job done properly. I still can't quite believe how much it hurt. It felt like someone was pulling the skin off my leg, which in essence was what I was actually doing to myself. I also realised that i look like a battered wife. My legs are covered in bruises and I have quite a big scar on my right leg. So at least that's once less thing to worry about. Managed to remember my bridesmaid shoes so that is excellent news. Still have no idea how I am supposed to be having my hair tomorrow... I really think I might go for half up half down - especially if the weather stays like this. It's bad enough that we don't have shawls or anything, our backs and shoulders are going to be completely bare so it'd be nice to have a something covering part of my back, even if it is a small amount of my hair. I am going to have to get my mum to carry a small bag for me too cos I don't have one, what with being a bridesmaid and everything - I'll have some flowers but I don't think there'll be any room to stash a camera in amongst them. I am having my hair done at 9.30am and have to be at Sam's for 11am so the photographer can take photos of us getting ready.. this all seems pretty perverted to me but still. Think I might get dressed before I leave my parents house. Due to my absence at the rehearsal, I have no idea what to do, where i have to walk, what car I am going in, or any of the important details like that. I think it's probably just as well because if I start to think about walking down an aisle in front of all those people - despite the fact that they will be looking at the bride - I will start to get very nervous indeed. Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight otherwise I'll be a nervous wreck. Haven't really made much impact on the spot on the side of my nose. I should be able to cover it up ok but it is very annoying indeed. Ok, I am off to have the rest of the hairs on my legs ripped out with force by a stranger.

Aaaargh.

I am in absolute agony. I've just waxed my legs, got half way through and think I have peeled about ten layers of skin off. I am having to leave the rest of the job til tomorrow. Jesus Christ, it's painful being a woman. I find lex waxing about ten times more painful than bikini waxing. In fact I think I'd go so far as to say that its the most pain my body has felt since I broke my wrist playing football when I was 11.

I have set myself the goal of being in bed by 11pm. I have my bridesmaid shoes on my bed and Edinburgh stuff for work ready to go in my bag. Just need to think forward to the wedding and try to think what I need. I have my outfit, shoes and jewellry sorted so I think I just need make up, overnight stuff and camera etc. It's going to be wierd sleeping at home tomorrow and Saturday night and probably very boring. I am going to be in dire need of some fun by the time Monday's trip to Edinburgh comes round.

I am tempted to take my green dress to change into so I can then wear shoes that I can walk in... I'm going to take it home anyway for my mum to take in a bit - might even wear it to the Perrier party if that takes my fancy. This wedding has come round so quickly. I remember when there were 5 years to go and I was joking about being a 28 year old bridesmaid and my mum still thought I'd end up getting married first. Quite who she thought I was going to marry I don't know.

Anwyay, I'll never make 11pm if I keep blathering on. Feeling a bit happier tonight.

On a happier note and remembering the title of my blog, here is a nice photo of Suzanne, Paul and I from Steve & Sue's wedding earlier this month. I don't like to post pictures of me on here but it shows off my nice new green dress very well and is also potentially the nicest picture of me ever taken. I think this is because I'm not smiling too much as I usually do, so not scrunching up my eyes and its not too close up either. I would also point out that my cleavage isn't normally as heaving - the only bra I could wear which wouldn't show under my dress was my push up bra. I don't think I needed to share that but I think it needed pointing out. I think we all look pretty good in this picture. Suzanne's dress matches her red eyes, Paul looks very handsome and thankfully you can't tell how drunk I was.



I need to perk up, think how lucky I am and look forward to going back to Edinburgh and then focusing on my favourite thing, comedy when I get back. And becoming a bit louder maybe. I shall work on that on my return to the festival. I think I need sleep and a good meal. And a lottery win wouldn't go amiss. Also I have decided to look round for a new flat when I get back from Edinburgh. That'll keep me busy at least. Wondere how long it will take me after Edinburgh before I want to go out and see comedy! I think it'll be a while this time. Officially have an hour left til the end of work, said I'd stay longer but tempted to go home and do some Edinburgh work from there if I can. Taking work's digital camera back up with me on Monday and using it for my brothers wedding, so that'll be exciting. No-one is coming with me I don't think so I am going to have to struggle through explaining to relatives that having a life is more important than having a boyfriend. But I don't think that will wash with them.

It's very strange to be back in London, especially as it is such a flying visit. Today it really has hit home that I totally cannot afford to be living where I am. Its way beyond my means. There is talk of Kerry's dad buying a house and shipping Kerry and a couple of mates in, which would be a fair bit cheaper but that's not for a few weeks. I am going to have to seriously tighten the belt and stop spending money needlessly. I'm not quite sure what way round it there is. If it wasn't for having to dismantle my bed I think I'd start looking for somewhere cheaper after Edinburgh but I am going to see what happens with Kerry and bide my time. But then maybe I shouldn't put all my eggs in Kerry's basket, so to speak.

I have loads of work to do in these two days, I am just starting to feel completely exhausted and am desperate to be back to the festival with my new friends - which will happen soon enough. Just feeling particularly stressed about my lack of cash today. I am having to cancel the hotel room booked for my brother's wedding and miss out on the breakfast the next day. I can't afford my rent, never mind £120 for a room for one night. I should really see if I can get back to North London on the same night but I doubt I will. Might get a lift home if I wait til the next day... and I can raid my parents fridge for food to save me buying anything. Oh bollocks, how have I managed to do this to myself. I could really do with a couple of bonuses... which have been very sparse. Maybe it's the come down from the end of Mark Watson's show and having to come home that's making me feel a bit rubbish. And I am exhausted. And I have spent a week with someone who eveyone she meets fancies which isn't amazingly brilliant for my self confidence. Its been really great but I think I'm looking forward to going up on my own/with work now I've had time to reflect. Also I am learning from people over the past year to be more selfish but I've not really been able to put it into practice. I think I have to stop being quiet and stop letting other people take credit for my ideas and suggestions. Where's the nearest assertiveness course?

I don't think I'm in a very good mood today, certainly not overly happy, which isn't really like me at all. Had a brief meeting with my boss about pushing me further in the comedy direction but in order for that to happen outside of Edinburgh I need to cut down on the production stuff. There is lots going on at the moment. Bizarrely, in the last 30 minutes my life feels like it's been plunged into turmoil. I also have a massive spot on the side of my nose from wearing my glasses for 33.5 hours, just in time for the wedding photos. Still, I'll be in a dress wth my hair up so I'm not going to look all that great as it is.

AUGUST

For the next few weeks I'll be coming to you from Comedy Lounge Edinburgh Diary 2005