AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Another working weekend and I am knackered. Managed to have one small piece of excitement last night by dragging myself from work to the Hen & Chickens for the Sunday Club. Lovely Neil asked me if I had inner sorrow cos I looked sad and I am normally very happy and enthusiastic. I pointed out that I was just tired but I did have some inner sorrow the last time he saw me... I am worried now that if I take a day off work I won't be able to get going again - coming in over next weekend too. I am beginning to realise why I feel as well off money wise as I did when I earned twice as much in a bank. It's because I have arse all time to go out and spend any of it!! Which sadly is true. I am totally run down today and as ever today is speeding by, I have managed 10 months without a single sick day so I don't want to have to take one before the year is up. Although if I really am too ill to come in then I will have to stay at home. That will be novel, a sick day when I am actually sick. And not through alcohol. I kind of anticipate one at the end of this production but then we will be nearing the end of another and it'll all kick off again. I seriously need a holiday. I've never *needed* a holiday before.

My mum is driving me round the bend as well which isn't helping my stress levels. I'm not sure if it's just my mum who does it but she asks me a question and I tell her the answer, and then she asks me again so I tell her. And then she asks me another twenty times so I tell her that I have already told her and when she asks me the next time I hang up. And then I ignore her next call and then I get a threatening voice message from my dad asking why I hung up on my senile old mother when in reality he'd be just as f*cked off with her. The sooner I move out the better - probably aiming for the end of March cos I should be busy enough here not to have to get home before they go to bed during the week so I should only ever have to see them at the weekend. Then when things die down here and fingers crossed I get a pay rise, I should be better equipped to move out. I am very desperate to move out though, its such a pain in the arse getting the last train home. I needed to get that out, she's driving me mad. I sent her a text saying I'll be working late cos I am totally snowed and so she decides to call me to ask me something "urgent" which she's heard the answer to 50 times. And relax. It is possibly me acting like a teenager too but my dad did accidentally call me his "teenage" daughter the other day so is it really any wonder!?

Today my boss repeated something that he said to me last night at about 8pm.
He said "I'm really proud of you" which is brilliant! I went through a
period of thinking that he thought I didn't do much but now it's taken a
complete change of direction, although my previous thoughts may just have
been paranoia. I am doing so much more than I used to and it is fun but
also really tiring. I am going out tonight which means I have to leave work
more or less on time, so that should be interesting. Work is pretty
exciting at the moment. Hopefully we can turn "being proud" into a
"substantial pay rise" come my year anniversary!

I have just had to carry four boxes of 10 bottles of Kronenburg and six
6-packs of diet coke up three flights of stairs thanks to the lazy bastard
Tesco man so now I am both knackered and livid. I think I've become a bit
more assertive since staring here due to necessity. He buzzed the door and
I had a 30 second "discussion" with him and told him to leave it downstairs
and I'll get it myself. Then he buzzed again to say he needed a signature
so I said "3rd floor please" - lazy bastard. And relax.

My desk at work is an absolute state - I am surprised my boss hasn't told me
off again but I think he can understand why. I am a one woman paper
mountain. I did leave a note on his desk the other day telling him that
even I was shocked at the state of my desk and that I would tidy it up the
next morning. Which I did. But it didn't last long. I can't believe it's
5.20pm already... where has the day gone. I spent most of the morning on
the phone to BT trying to sort out an email problem and I think I spoke to
more or less every dunderhead that works for them. And not one of them
could help me. So I will be calling them back and speaking to them each in
turn again tomorrow. People who work for BT, Barclays or Tescos are on my
list of enemies.

It's rubbish not having time to blog. I think in future I'll write myself
some key words so I can remember what to blog about. I've still got a
thousand calls to return and emails to reply to but non-work stuff is going
to the back of the queue at the moment. I'll be in over the weekend too no
doubt. But its way way way better than temping in a bank, earning twice as
much money but working with complete pricks and being bored out of my head.
Despite being able to blog as much as I liked. In the old days I'd just go
on about being bored whereas these days I just go on about being busy.
It'll make for interesting reading when we're back in development and
everyone has cleared out of the office.

21 again!

Other than turning into a drunken idiot at the end of the night, I had a
brilliant birthday. Too busy, of course, to go into it now. Don't feel any
older really but it is nice to be 21 yet again.

I have very recently been described in an article as follows...

"Smoulderingly gorgeous raven-haired TV producer/developer and Comedy Lounge co-editor the divine Susan Turnbull."

Though I would dispute its accuracy I am very pleased nonetheless!

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me!! I am very excited about tonight, there are loads of people coming from all different areas of my life so I am so excited. I am hoping one particular person will turn up but I won't be too upset if he doesn't cos there are loads of others who I haven't seen in ages who are coming.

I had a bit of a scare yesterday evening at work when I nearly collapsed. My eyes went really funny and I think it was a kind of migrane even though I didn't have a headache. I had funny shapes in front of my eyes which wouldn't go away and I sat in the dark for a bit. I nearly fainted when I was sitting on the sofa but managed to snap out of it when I felt myself drifting away. I felt knackered when Kerry arrived at the office but there was no way I was going to miss the screening of the new Hollow Men telly show. We got there and I was ready to drop but luckily it started soon after we got there. We watched two episodes and then left. It was so funny to see one sketch which they had adapted from Live At The Lounge... the opening titles and the ad boards were just hilarious and really american. It was the four lads larking about being wacky and zany on a beach and then each of them standing at the front of the shot smirking while their name flashed up on the screen. It was very surreal. But it was fantastic and very exciting. I will write more in about 3 months when I am not as busy.

Last night...

I dreamt not that somebody loved me, as Morrissey would have you believe, but of my new toothbrush and of being friends with Charlotte Hatherley from Ash. There is some very simple reasoning behind this. First of all, I bought a new toothbrush and unlike every other toothbrush I have ever bough in my life it wasn't too harsh on my gums, in fact, I would go so far as to say that it was an absolute pleasure to use. In case anyone is interested, it is a Reach Brightener toothbrush - highly recommended. Secondly, one of the last things on my TV before I went to sleep was Charlotte Hatherley's new video for Bastardo which is a truly brilliant song - it features David Walliams, Julia Davis, Lucy Davis and Alice Lowe to name but a few... this is due to the fact that Charlotte's boyfriend is none other than Edgar Wright who directed Spaced.

I really must stop rambling on about my birthday.

Urgh. I have just eaten a slice of M&S chocolate birthday cake and I feel sick. It was bloody lovely though. It's Seb's birthday today and we all had a party round him while he worked at his desk. We had champagne and really really tasty crisps too. We'll probably skip the office nibbles and head straight over to the bar on my birthday I hope. I hope people come, my uni mates will be there for sure. Tuesday is effectively over so there are just two more working days, then I am going to the premiere of the new Hollow Men telly series and then I will go to sleep and wake up on my birthday!! I am making Kerry be in charge of getting me to leave early, invite everyone to my birthday and also to make sure I don't have any alcohol. I don't want to be knackered on my birthday and I also want to make sure I get as much work done as possible before the big day. So there's no avoiding the fact that I have built up my birthday again. Damn, I was trying not to just in case. Kerry has to work but she is meeting me after to throw some choice shapes on the dancefloor.

I should go soon. I am knackered, bored and sleepy!

Its 8.25pm now and I am still at work. Making absolutely sure I get loads of work done so I don't feel bad about having my hair done and leaving at 6.30pm on my birthday. Everyone else is still here so I don't mind. I am going on a course on Wednesday afternoon so that should add to the pressure too! I really don't mind staying late though, I am very lucky to have a job that I love, and I have learnt so much in the past 10 months. Can't believe how quickly the time is passing but then I'd rather I had a brilliant time and the days go quickly than have a boring time and the days drag.

It's 10pm now and I am going to leave in 10/15 mins to get the 10.37pm train home. I need to move out. But I don't have time to look - maybe when both productions have settled in and I'm not needed so much I can focus. We had Strada for dinner again at work - I am slowly working my way through the entire pizza and salad menu. Very bad, must try and anticipate when we are going to work late.... i.e. every night this week. Apart from Friday obviously.

I love my job so much, I can't believe how lucky I am some time.

Good god, today is flying by, we are so busy. We've got three things on at once and I am helping out with all of them. We've hardly stopped today, I can't believe it's nearly 3pm. At this rate my birthday is going to be here before I even have a chance to get organised. Well, I say that but I have already decided what to wear and where to go and I've sent an email round and some texts to everyone telling them where and when - so I'm not really unorganised at all. Its going to be really great I reckon, although I am trying not to get too excited. If we stay this busy all week I'll be lucky if I manage to go to my own party!

I got my hair cut on Saturday, I was supposed to be there for 11am but I went to a party in Hammersmith on Friday night and ended up getting home at 4.30am so woke up at 10am and postponed it. Anyway, my hair dresser decided to curl my hair instead of straightening it, cos I was going to the theatre and she thought it'd look cool. And she was right, it looked fabulous. Seeings how I am getting old anyway I decided to buy some hair rollers from Boots today to see if I can recreate the look. But since then I have had the idea of going to the hairdressers next door on Friday afternoon to get my hair curled and also my nails done - it is my birthday so I think I'm allowed to be pampered. Whether I will have time to pop out for an hour is another matter but it is my birthday so I intend to do what the hell I like. Rather that than me stick rollers in my hair and have it turn out to be a complete disaster. We'll see.

I managed to kill my ipod at the weekend. I was distraught. I went to my brother's house to drop off the bridesmaid shoes and to ask if I could put two more albums on his computer. His initial reaction was NO but then I showed him the albums and he said YES - Kasabian and Embrace. My ipod was updating and then just before it ended his stupid laptop crashed and with it took 75% of the songs on Jack. And when I went back into itunes and connected Jack, it wouldn't recognise my ipod. I ended up going to and fro from my brother's three times yesterday and finally we managed to get him fixed. Sadly though, and much to my annoyance, he has reclaimed his FM transmitter so all of the songs on my ipod are trapped... I can only listen to them through headphones. It's very annoying. I am going to have to save up and get a black market FM transmitter all of my own. My ipod seems to be psychic as well... I have had it on shuffle for the past few weeks which is nice cos then you get a nice surprise instead of knowing the next track it's going to play. It seems to put on tracks that are associate with things that I am thinking at the time, it's really weird. I was thinking about Helena the other day and how I must call her and her favourite Aqualung song started playing. There are other examples but I can't think of them right this minute.

Happily I seem to be nurturing a spot on my chin especially in time for my birthday. How lovely.

Oh my god

Busted have decided to split!

So much for a night in! Just spoken to Katy and was very easily persuaded to go to a gig tonight. Its kind of a music gig but with Gary Le Strange, who really is music I spose. With Goldie Lookin' Chain, who I would call a comedy act, having hit the charts, I think a Gary single release is well overdue. I was persuaded by the mere mention of a band containing the two of the original members of The Smiths, so that is very exciting, although I am sad to say that it is obviously not the two original members who I'd love to see play together - Morrissey and Johnny Marr. But still, it's going to be way cool. I think Robin Ince is hosting so that's terribly exciting as well. I should be able to get home fairly easily too via an overground train and then a bus. How delightful. I am ready to drop. Meeting up with Mr FD tomorrow in a venue of the great man's choosing which I am not overly convinced I will be let in to! My next day of doing nothing will be Sunday, although I am supposed to be seeing a comedy show for work but I think I'll have to bail. Sunday is going to be a day for sleeping I think, and possibly starting the search for a new home! It'll be a money/paying off credit card day too so I have a firm grasp on my finances for the first time in a long while.

Get in!! I had a spontaneous night out between Xmas and new year when I called Suzanne out of the blue and she was off to meet Dominique. We went to school with Dom and as I remember we were best friends when we were 10 and were known as Soo and Domi (why am I telling you all this!?) Anyway, I ended up staying out all night with them despite saying I was only going to come along for one drink. It was just so nice to see her and despite her being beautiful, slim, loaded and having about 5 boyfriends, it was so nice to see her and we got on as if it hadn't been nearly 10 years since we've seen each other. To cut a long story short, she has texted me to ask if I want to go and see The Producers with her on Saturday... we were talking about it a few weeks ago and I said I was desperate to see it. So bless her for thinking of me, I am really quite touched. Dom's brother is going out with a girl who designs costumes for theatre so we have got cheap tickets and are going to be sitting in a box!! How hilarious is that going to be. I do hope all of the performers remember to turn and bow towards us at the end of the show... not really. I don't think sarcasm really comes across very well in words or comedy.

Tonight I am having a night in. Apparently. Though I can well see us all ending up working really late again. I can't have dinner from Strada again this week, it's just not healthy. But it is free!! I am so tired. I didn't realise until we were at UCL last night and it was the second interval. The room is so hot and I was beginning to feel as though I wanted to rest my eyelids so I decided to make a move. I've seen Danny Bhoy plenty of times before so I didn't mind missing him, he was late anyway so would only have been on for about 20 mins. Got to see Markus Birdman, who I think is brilliant, and also Liam Mullone and Pete Cain who are both really great too. So all in all another top night. Kerry was struck by cupid's arrow while we were at UCL... she is looking great with her new hair style though. I am having my hair cut at the weekend, I really should get something done to it. Its nice to have long hair but it doesn't really do much although I am experimenting with a kind of fringe at the moment which is pretty daring for me. Was thinking about dying my hair again too but I just don't have the time, energy or money.

Today I should be getting my expenses cheque from work which will be fantastic cos then I really can make a dent in my credit cards and I find that very exciting indeed. Cannot wait to pay them off. And it is about 90% likely now that I won't be going up and down to Glasgow which is great news. I'll be going up in a few weeks time for a couple of days but that should be about it. They want me to stay down here cos we are about to get super busy and they are going to recruit someone in Glasgow to do what I was going to be doing up there and then I'll oversee that person, which is strange and exciting. So hopefully I will really get a chance to start looking for somewhere to move out to.

THERE IS A DOG IN THE OFFICE!! Aaaaaaaah. It is a Rhodesian Ridgeback and it is absolutely beautiful. I want one.

You know when you phone someone you really like but instead of coming across as cool and sexy, you come across as a bumbling idiot? I am starting to know that feeling rather well.

I went to look at my lovely ring watch to see the time this afternoon when I realised that part of the glass cover has smashed slightly. Gutted, I hope I can get it fixed cos I've had it for years. Since I went to visit Nalini at uni in Leeds in the first year of uni - I remember getting it from a really nice shop in the Corn Exchange and being very pleased with myself. I'll take it into the jewellers up the road at the weekend.

I have also been on an errand to collect some shoes for Sam for us bridesmaids in August. They are the strappiest shoes I have ever seen and certainly that I have ever worn. I have no idea how the hell I am supposed to walk down the aisle in them but I do know that I am almost certainly going to fall over numerous times throughout their happy day. There's nothing to keep my feet in the shoes other than some flimsy straps... and the heels are higher than I would have chosen... the five of us bridesmaids are going to be falling all over the place and propping each other up.

I've just reread that last post... not much stress, that's funny... I must
stop posting and then having a complete change of heart. I am still at
work. It is 9.47pm. I am probably going to leave and hopefully get the
10.37pm train... it's nice not to know what's going to happen from one day
to the next!

Better Day

Today has been much better. Not nearly as much stress or disasters going on about the place. And I went to the understudy run through of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest which was great. Then I had to run back here and now I am back to work... we are supposed to be going to the quiz night tonight but I think we are about to become even busier.

And just when I think everything's calmed down again something else happens. Another piece of potential good news at work which is going to make us *even* busier but also might mean that I won't be going up to Glasgow as much as previously discussed - which is a good thing - cos I don't think it's all that necessary for me to be there in person and it's a lot of buggering around with trains and buses. But we'll see. As a result we are all going to be in the office until about 10pm tonight. Again. Still. I spose I was essentially not working from about 2pm today. Although officially I was but in my mind I was sitting in the theatre next to a camera man watching a brillliant play. I have loads and loads to do anyway. God I don't have a second to do anything. Now I know how H used to feel when she never had a moment to breathe.

From early this morning...

I got an email at 5pm that was sent to me at 11am. Isn't technology amazing.

---------
9am

I got up super early (early for me) today to come in to try and avert a disaster on the production in Scotland but as it turns out I managed to sort it out in 5 minutes so now I am here an hour early. I do have loads to do though - might do some general life admin and then get cracking properly. I am completely knackered from the weekend and also I stayed up til midnight watching the first two episodes of Desperate Housewives.

I looked at myself in the mirror when I hauled myself out of bed on Saturday and realised that my waist is really looking quite small. I've always had a small waist for some reason but it looked a bit too small, maybe it was still the alcohol in my system interfering with my sight and perception. I weighed myself for the first time in ages and I seem to have lost about half a stone somehow. You couldn't tell to look at me though. That's slightly worrying...but at least I can stuff myself with the excuse that I have half a stone to put back on. I really must get around to cancelling my gym membership too - what a total waste of money. So my new years resolution is probably opposite to most other people - I must get round to cancelling my gym membership. I'll just go swimming in WW at the weekends. Like that will happen either. Still. It was a nice idea.

Had a really good night on Friday, I think I had just a tiny bit too much to drink but I didn't realise until I was walking through Soho to get the night bus. I really must properly start looking for somewhere to live cos I can't be doing with night buses anymore. We ended up going to the same club that we went to a few weeks ago, which was entirely my fault, although I didn't do it on purpose. I quite like it in there - might drag my friends there for my birthday, that would make it a fortnightly visit. It was quite quiet so we got to sit down in between dancing to Justin Timberlake and Queen... that's right. Look impressed. It was a fun night and I was out with someone very nice indeed.

Anyway, best get on just now and make the most of an empty, quiet office.

Bloody mac

What a nightmare. There is something dodgy going on with my emails... I sent a blog update via email and it's not shown up yet and that was before 10am. Not that that really matters... I've sent myself emails from my yahoo account and I haven't got them which is a real pain in the arse cos that means that I am pretty much not receiving any external emails. I have sent a few but I have no idea if the recipients are in possession of my words of wisdom. What a massive pain in the arse. I wondered why I had no spam in my inbox today. Its just been one problem after another today.

TFI Friday

No time to write anything today. I am rushed off my feet, managing two
productions at the same time is proving quite interesting, especially as I
haven't done anything like it before. I am learning loads though and
improving my bartering, bargaining and negotiation skills no end. Even
though those words essentially all have the same meaning.

Got next to no sleep last night due to one thing or another and I'm running
around like a headless chicken at work (except not bumping into things, and
I have got a head. And a human body). There are loads of people in the
office today, workshopping. I've seen no sign of legwarmers or sweat bands
so far but I reckon they're all itching to put them on and get going.

I am in dire need of a drink.

Scrap that last one...

 

Men...

...Are so hard to fathom. You go out with one, end up staying out all
night, drink, dance and even kiss them goodnight and then... nothing. Maybe
I'm not as good at kissing as I previously thought, maybe I need to get in
some more practice. It's a bit confusing, especially when you had no idea
that anything was going to happen in the first place. But still, it was
nice while it lasted!

Tried to blog yesterday but I was so incredibly busy as I will be for the
next few weeks. It's all terribly exciting and we had some great news
yesterday which I had an initial hand in so I am completely thrilled. On
Tuesday I got to speak to three of my favourite comedians in a row and
yesterday we got two exciting bits of news and are working on a really
exciting thing at the same time... I hope I can remember what the hell I am
on about when I come to read this back.

I am trying to decide on a venue for my 2Xth birthday, preferably somewhere
with a happy hour... I am thinking of one of those boring chains and I might
even lay on some nibbles out of my own hard-earned cash. It'll be
interesting to see who comes along, I have such a strange mix of friends
that it makes me laugh when they all get together and get to know each
other. Should be fun, but my birthday does normally end in disaster so I
can only imagine what might happen. More excitement this afternoon and then
I am seeing my good friend Mark F later on this evening. Hooray!

New Years Resolution

I have just thought of one. To cut down on the number of cinnamon swirls I eat per week.

Back to work

http://www.dec.org.uk/
0870 60 60 900

Back to work, thank god. I've been incredibly bored, but incredibly good -
I've not spent much cash and have hardly seen any of the sales. My room is
spotless and I am desperate to move out of home. I've broken the news to my
parents and went to have a look at Tom's house but forgot that he smokes and
there's no way I'm living with smokers again. I had enough of that enforced
upon me at university. My computer at home is literally on it's last legs.
It's taking me about 5 goes to get it started and even then it crashes all
the time. Definitely time for a new one, although I've had it since I left
uni and it's got so many pictures etc on it. I'll have to FTP them onto my
server and download them again onto the new machine. If I get one. So I've
not been able to blog or even look at my blog or any others. I'm not sure
if blogger was down cos I couldn't even get to the log in page so maybe it
was their problem rather than my computer's.

New year was really great in the end, maybe cos I didn't build up any
expectations. Went round to Suzanne and Nalini's with the intention of
jumping on the tube and seeing Kerry and also Pops and Jason and Mark but
when I got there I found out that Tufnell Park tube was closed so I was
stranded. Which wasn't a bad thing. There were only about 16 or so of us
and there were friends that I haven't seen in over three years. It was so
nice to see them again and this time I am staying in touch. Corrie and
Danielle have had a little girl called Rhianna who is almost one and they
are getting married in Greece next year. They are having a wedding party
back in England when they get back at the start of July so that'll be
fantastic. I was quite sad to say goodbye to 2004 with one or two
exceptions this year has been one of my best and I only hope 2005 can take
me even further. I don't really have new year resolutions but Kerry,
Suzanne and I (and anyone else who fancies it) intend to complete the
following outings.

Ballet
Football match
Opera
London Zoo
Open top bus tour of London

I am sure there are others. As for other things I'd like to do this year...
I am giving myself all of January to prove that I'm not going to use my gym
membership, though I may surprise myself. I won't. But I might. If I
don't use it in Jan then I am cancelling it to stop wasting £50 a month
which could go towards paying off bloody credit cards.

My brother just called about his wedding night. Apparently he has a good
deal on the hotel that he and Sam are staying in. Rather than £165 per
night its going to be £110 per night per double or £75 per single. I think
I'm going to go for a double on the off chance that I bring someone with me.
I have told my brother to allow for the fact that I may well have a
boyfriend by mid-August although current trends would suggest that if I have
a boyfriend at the beginning of August, I certainly won't have one by the
end. Still, what\s £45 for the sake of my brother's only wedding night...

Also my stalker has been texting Kathryn. She's not overly impressed, nor
was I when she forwarded it to me. What a prick. I am trying to get round
to seeing why I was ever friends with him but just as I do he does something
really fucking stupid. He just makes me want to scream and K had no idea
why he'd texted her out of the blue. It'd be like me texting one of his
mates. He's just unbelievable. But there you go. The world takes all
sorts. Unfortunately.