Hello and welcome..

To this, the first ever post from my new emac in my new house. I've got a month's free trial with AOL which I intend on cancelling and I've just realised that I'll be in Edinburgh for most of it, so well done me and my amazing timing. Still, it gives me a chance to update websites this weekend and make sure that the modem on my emac actually works. Nice.

The book club finished at 12:15am and I got home just before 1am. Discovered that the no 30 bus goes from outside the Albany to Highbury Cornner so that is new and dangerous news. I am going to Spank on Friday cos it's the last one before Edinburgh and it'd be nice to see everyone before they go up (not that I won't see them a week and a bit later) and I think lovely Alex is on so that's not to be missed. Other than that I am going to see the wonderful Jo Neary at the etc... on Sunday and then I am hoping not to see anymore comedy until I get to the festival cos to be honest i am f*cked and totally sick of it. I've never reached this stage before in London, normally it comes midway through the festival but this year I'm not planning on seeing too many people that I know well. There's no point and it doesn't really fall in the remit of my new talent job. We're having a meeting tomorrow to discuss tactics. So tonight I am not going to comedy, even the promise of Stewart Lee won't keep my eyes open. Instead I am going home with my new AOL CD to hook my lovely emac (who has been christened, Morten) up to the internet in time for the weekend's activity on both the Boosh and Comedy Lounge sites. At last she pulls her finger out. I am actually very excited about it, it's been so long, and it's going to be a dream to have a computer that doesn't crash every 10 minutes. I am going to try to learn how to make mp3s from CDs, tapes and vinyl and put them online and also how to take screen grabs from the telly - all whilst brushing up on Supergrass lyrics. Rich is sending me over the new album tracks one by one - it's not due for release for another three or four weeks so we are going to look way cool at the gig when we know all the new tunes.

I am on the verge of falling asleep - can't believe it's gone 3pm already. Haven't managed to get out for lunch, too much going on at work, so I am going to nip into Dickens & Jones after work to continue the thankless task of dress hunting. My mother has since withdrawn her offer of making me a dress so the heat really is on. I saw so many lovely clothes when I wandered round yesterday and I did so well not buying any that today I stupidly rewarded myself with lunch from M&S and also some cheese scones. Yummy. Still reviewing my monthly budget but realise that I have no idea how much I should be spending a week/month on food. I should seek advice on this matter and continue to make my lunch before leaving the flat or going to bed. I also have a new favourite route to work in the morning. It's best for me to just get the 19 from Highbury Corner to Tottenham Court Road and then walk - or get the 43 to Islington Green (if that comes first) and then the 38 from the opposite side.. the 38 is a very frequent yet very full bus. So if any more horribleness happens in London, you know what buses I am likely to be on... I have managed to avoid the tube since last Thursday, not just cos of what's happened but cos I bloody hate it anyway. It's so flaming hot, even when the weather is shit. Despite the fact that it gets me door to door within 25 minutes, it's just unbearable. Buses are much nicer. When the weather cheers up I am going to start getting the 43 to Angel (which sounds quite lazy) but then I am going to walk to work from there - usually takes about 40/45 minutes. The whole walk from my flat is just a bit too much for my old aching joints to take - especially in the morning. I should do it anyway but this fine rain plays havoc with my fringe.. maybe I should start pinning it back again, it's beginning to do my head in.

So next week all I am doing is going to some swanky freebie do at St Martins Lane hotel on the Wed followed by a pub quiz with Suzanne, seeing Supergrass with Rich on Thursday.. then eek - wedding on Saturday, followed by The Tears on Sunday. Oh and then there's the small matter of catching a train to Edinburgh on 8th. Think H's train gets in 30 mins after mine. God it's odd to think that I am going to Edinburgh soon. I've not looked forward to it at all, in fact I've hardly even looked through the programme yet. But next week looks like it's going to be pretty calm. Except towards the end. I'd better make sure I get my stuff sorted for Edinburgh on the Friday then. I am so excited about seeing Supergrass that is has totally overshadowed The Tears. Both Nalini and especially Kathryn as way bigger Brett fans than me - I was always very firmly in the Damon camp, as well you know.

My little voicemail icon is still not showing but I am too knackered and stupid to keep remembering that it's busted. I am such a twat sometimes. The guy I went out with on Friday called to see how I am and probably chase me about the zoo on the weekend. Think I am going to postpone that outing until I get back from Edinburgh, it's not like I'll have much time to see him in between now and the end of September so it's pointless starting off something just for it to ebb away in August. I am going to have some Susan time now and there is one major thing which I really need to sort out which I haven't been able to give a second thought to recently. Must do that before I go away. Incidentally, still no news on my aunt. But no news is good news.

Needless to say, I didn't make the earlier of the two H&C shows last night. Went home, calmed down and had something to eat before going out to see Jeremy Lion. On my way home a work colleague called and I missed her call and when I called back she asked if I got her message. Strange, I didn;t have the little voicemail icon and then it suddenly clicked that I hadn't seen that little icon in a long while... I dialled my voicemail and discovered that I had 33 new messages since 8th July. Well done me. I presumed that people hadn't been leaving messages cos I was in Spain and then it just never clicked... Thankfully I didn't miss anything important. There was a message from my mum from early in the day with some good news about my aunt. She's had a brain scan and all parts of her brain are showing signs of activity so they're not going to switch her life support machine off. That's good of them isn't it? So who knows what's going to happen now. My parents are still driving down to see her next week so fingers crossed she makes a recovery. My bro's fiance's sister has been in hospital with pneumonia as well but she's a lot younger so was only in hospital for a week and is now recovering at home. It seems to be catching somehow...

I wandered round the shops at lunch looking for dresses. What an absolute load of tat. I found a couple of nice dresses in Coast, which is my new favourite shop cos according to them I am a size 8. One was reduced but sadly wasn't all that great on... shame cos it was well under my £100 limit. God knows where else I am going to look but I am going out every lunch time until I find one. For you to realise how desperate the dress situation is, I must tell you that I have just spoken to my mum who says that if I can't find a dress before the weekend then I can start looking for a pattern and some material instead and she'll make me something... desperate times call for desperate measures. Having said that, searching for a pattern will probably be even more of a nightmare but at least there are hundreds of fabric shops in Soho for me to wander round. So before I go to the Book Club tonight I'm going to pop back to Debenhams/John Lewis and find a dress pattern that's not too racy for my mum to make.

I think my Edinburgh trip is more or less sorted now. I am going up on 8th, coming back after Mark Watson's stuppidly long show on 17th (thereby missing the wedding rehearsal, oops!) then being a bridesmaid and going back up on 22nd til the end. It's going to be odd having to leave mid-festival but at least I get to go back up and everyone from work will be up for the very end so that'll be fun. H is coming up on 8th and when she goes back on 12th, the last I heard from Kathryn she's coming up on 12th -15th and I think Kerry is doing 12/13th - 17th ish. So hooray.

I was late for work this morning and managed to come up with the excuse... "traffic" which I think is going to get me into trouble so I had better have a word with my boss before he has a word with me... I daresay everyone knows the real reason why. I went to the Boosh screening last night, ended up drinking til 2/3 (can't remember which time) and couldn't lift my head off the pillow when the alarm went off so pressed snooze for an hour. Oops. There was a lot of traffic though, if there hadn't been so much I reckon I'd have got here well on time. But I didn't.

Feeling hideous today. Last night was brilliant. There were loads of my comedy chums there and Waen & Katy came later on as I was standing on the stairs with Mr Fielding Sr having an in depth discussion about the Boosh over the years. I took my friend Richard and I think he enjoyed it.. Steve Coogan made a disappointingly unfunny speech before the show and then N&J came on and stole the show. The episodes were brilliant and the second one was a lot darker than the first series - in fact it hardly even features Vince & Howard - which is good cos i think it really shows what other characters they can create other than their main two. Even if people don't like the new series, I think it's very important that people have a chance to see it. It's nothing like anything anyone has done before... really excited about seeing the episode they filmed when I went down.

Today has been a struggle and quite how I am going to make it through two comedy shows at the H&C is beyond me. Then I have to get home in time to see the Boosh but I have a tape on the way to me so maybe I won't bother if there are interesting people to talk to at the pub. I don't have the energy to blog anymore.

Found out last night that my aunt is on a life support machine, she has pneumonia and apparently they are deciding today whether or not they should turn it off or not. It's nice of my mum to keep me up to date with things given that she was taken into hospital last week sometime. My parents are planning on going down some time next week to see my uncle and hopefully visit my aunt but I don't think they are very optimistic. I spose you can only have a certain amount of optimist when someone is on a life support machine. So that's a nice start to my week and another instance of life being too short. I wonder if she has any regrets about life... I hope not.

I've not been sleeping very well since I got back from holiday. I'm not sure why. There are more and more sirens during the night cos of all the bombings and security alerts but they're not particularly loud through my window so I'm not sure if that's it... I go through a phase of sleeping badly ever six months or so, so maybe it's just that coming round again. In which case it should go on for another week or so.

Had a very strange weekend. Went on a date to the Comedy Cafe on Friday which started off well and went slightly down hill. It was still fairly successful but given how precious my evenings are at the moment I'm not sure if I'll bother with a second date. He sent me a text on his way home telling me he had a really great time and that I was/am beautiful.. we did have a fair bit to drink which I think explains his obvious beer goggles, but I don't think I'm overly arsed, still we'll see. I was obviously very drunk cos I went to bed without taking my make up off which I never do under any circumstances, maybe only once or twice a year. Also Zena pointed out to me today that I looked slightly spaced out when I arrived at the H&C at 12.45am afterwards. Had to let my new flat mate in at 9am the next day and entertain her for a bit, tried to go back to sleep but I felt too rough and restless. Ended up falling asleep at 1pm and waking up around 4pm and then getting cajooled into going to Big Gay Out with only 3 minutes to get ready. Glad I went music wise - Human League were great and as much as I hate to admit it, Girls Aloud were brilliant!! As ever with Poppy, Mark & Jason, they all got too drunk, argued and fell out and went home individually. I am finding it very stressful to actually go out to places with them these days. They all get really mardy with each other and then I feel as though I have to pick sides cos its impossible to stay neutral... urgh. And I was stone cold sober which is maybe why I found it more noticeable than usual. Yesterday went to the London Studios to see Unplanned and to see the lovely John FD. Went to the green room after and met the producer who is a really lovely lady and really didn't look very old at all to me. Maybe late 30s I spose but I only say that cos she's produced a lot of things and must be about that old in order to have fit it all in. So maybe there's hope for me yet. It was nice to see John FD, every time I see him he gets thinner. He's given up the booze again - maybe I should give that a go. In September maybe...

Going to the Boosh screening tonight which is very exciting. Going to see two episodes, the first one, which I saw a rough cut of in N&J's dressing room when I went on set, and the second one. I am so excited about this series, it's even more amazing than the first. There's going to be lots of celebs and minor celebs... and me and my friend Richard. I am wearing my favourite dress tonight for about the third time in the space of a week. Just got a text from the guy I went out with on Friday asking me if I want to go to the zoo at the weekend! Picking up on a comment I made about the zoo there - still at least that means he was paying attention. Might take him up on it though I'm thinking it was the alcohol that turned me into an attractive, funny, confident person. Sposed to be doing lots of work on various websites this weekend so I might have to knock him back for a while. I might be going on a date with some other guy who is also a Bill Hicks fan but a much bigger one that me. Though I think he's going away on some worthwhile volunteer thing and is only around for the week in August when I am in Edinburgh. It'll give me time to brush up on my Hicks.

I am hoping my boss is going to let me extend my first stay in Edinburgh by 2 days so I can go to Mark Watson's 2005 minute show on 15/16th... in which case I might be able to squeeze in one of Stewart Lee/Richard Thomas's lectures about JSTO... with about 30 mins to spare getting the train back... in which case I am going to miss my brother's wedding rehearsal. I don't think my role as bridesmaid is going to be that taxing and I have 4 others to follow down the aisle and I'm sure they'll all be very well rehearsed. I think Mark Watson has sold out but I am hoping I can blag in, being that I did 15.5 hours of the 24 hour show last year. So that would mean that the only bits of Edinburgh I'm missing are the previews, press launches and first weekend, then from 17th (if I am allowed to stay 2 extra days) to 22nd (when I go back up) - so I am essentially only there for 10 days less than I normally am...in Edinburgh for 17 nights. Not bad going. Am I mad!!? And this time I'm not paying for train tickets or accommodation so hopefully it shouldn't make too much of a dent into my lack of salary this month... Speaking of which, I still haven't gone dress-hunting for Steve's wedding and it's 2 weeks away - shit. I just don't have the time or energy for it but I really should go one lunch time, or every lunch time until I find something.

So much to do at work, I really have to buckle down and concentrate but my mind keeps wandering to the screening party tonight. If I am going to be out of the office for so long over August I really had better plough on through and prove that I have everything under control. In which case I'd best stop blogging...

Urgh. I have a bloody hospital appointment tomorrow at 9.40am. I tried to reschedule it again but the next appointment isn't going to be til mid-September and i've already put it off once so I think it would be stupid to postpone it again. I am going to be out late tonight at the Hen & Chickens and I've worked out I have to leave the flat tomorrow at 7.30am just to be on the safe side. Bloody great. I am going to go home, pick up my car, drive to Orpers, drive home and then come into work or maybe pop back to the flat first. So I am going to look nice and tired and bedraggled for my date tomorrow. Hooray. I daresay I'll be a disaster anyway so I don't know what I'm worrying about.

Speaking of disasters, it's about 4 hours since I wrote that first paragraph and there have been another 4 explosions in London. They seem to be very minor ones, but explosions none the less. James is thinking of cancelling the shows tonight, in which case, I'll go straight home, watch Extras and The Catherine Tate Show and then go to sleep and go to the hospital tomorrow morning. So the fate of my hospital is in the hands of the H&C. I've been listening to the BBC News 24 streaming on my mac for most of the afternoon, keeping abreast of the news as it happens.

H&C shows cancelled. I am going to have another fun time getting home. Victoria line is still shut. Don't fancy my chances of getting on the 73 but I shall try, otherwise it's a nice evening and I might have a nice walk home.

Despite having a really really relaxing holiday last week, I've been back in London for 3 days and am feeling like I never went away. Things at work are going ok, I think my head is in a good place for working at the moment, I seem to be getting a lot done. I read several books on holiday and the three of us obviously had loads of conversations and the recurring thing which I took away from the week was that I want to have as few regrets as possible when I'm old and really don't ever want to find myself saying, "if only.." I know that's a bit of a cliche but it's very relevant. There are lots of things going on at the moment and it was good to have a whole week of doing nothing more than reading and lying on a beach cos it meant I got to think. A lot. With my week off being so soon after the London bombings that also gave me a lot to think about. Life really is too short and at any time could be made shorter so there's a lot of issues that i have to address. One cropped up the day before I went away and I fully intended to sort it out before my house warming party but just didn't have time to. I thought about friendship, love, work, everything really. I have decided to back down on the bridesmaid thing with my brother - although not entirely as I couldn't pay to have my hair done even if I wanted to cos I just don't have the money - my mum's going to pay my half and I'm going to have my hair up. Oh joy. I don't have time for petty arguments. One thing that did make me smile - and I am going to name-drop quite badly here - was Noel and Julian both texting me within five minutes of each other, asking me to go to the series 2 screening. Of course I accepted.

I am supposed to be going to the Big Gay Out this Saturday but to be perfectly honest I think I'm going to sack it off. Mark & Jason bought the tickets without asking me first. We were talking about it and I said I'd like to go and it sounds fun but they never told me what date it was and just went ahead and booked it. I am fairly sure I'd have passed up on it had they asked cos the ticket has cost me £31 to see a load of acts I'm really not that fussed about. I had a trip to Nottingham pencilled in to see Kate and baby Maisy but I don't think I can afford that - it's fine if you earn over £50k a year each or if your parents own the flat you're living in but neither of those apply to me and probably never will! If I went to BGO it'd cost me at least £30 on top of the ticket, for drinks (the crowd I am going with drink cava and champagne like it's water) and food, so I think I am going to cut my losses and run. Pops sent me an email about the BBQ before hand which made my mind up once and for all. More desperately than visiting Kate (I have the next 15 years or so to go and visit Maisy), I need to track down and purchase a posh yet cheap dress for Steve and Sue's swanky wedding which is in about two and a half weeks time. And let's bear in mind that there are going to be blokes that we went to school with who were two years above and who we all fancied so it's definitely going to be worth making some kind of investment. I have a absolutely nothing to wear yet no money to buy anything new. I am totally skint, more skint than I have ever been - obviously because I am paying out a load more rent than I am used to, but it is bloody worth it. Where did I put that egg card... I am going to change the record now.

Going to the Hen & Chicks tonight and tomorrow night - and popped in for a quick beer last night. It's ace. I certainly picked the right location to live in. And its ace having Zena & Michelle just down the road, who are also big fans of the H&C and its late licence. I like the H&C cos they give me paper tickets which means that I can claim the money back from work or take some petty cash. Between now and the end of the festival I only have 8 evenings free - which is pretty impressive - going on a date on Friday which should be interesting. I think it'll be the most successful of the three dates I've been on in my entire life, so far. He actually looks like he's going to be way out of my league - unless he's all looks, no personality. I am going to pick a comedy night and I think we're going to go. Obviously on this one occasion I shall be avoiding the H&C like the plague.

Had a good weekend. Ended up leaving work late and going to Spank on Friday and Kerry came along - ended up getting drunk and heckling (Kerry, not me) - going to have to keep a closer eye on the Kerry when she drinks. She always asks me to restrict how much she drinks and then gets quite stubborn and insistent when she's actually drunk. It was a good night but some of the acts were on for too long. Andrew Lawrence was on last, and although he was brilliant, he was on for at least an hour - but it felt like a week. Ended up getting a can home with Waen & Katy and went straight to bed.

I was so looking forward to my first lie in since moving in but a bunch of work men with big drills and loud machines had decided that it would be a good day to dig up the road outside my window. At one point it just sounded like one of them was dragging a metal spade along the ground - relentlessly. When I first heard the racket I panicked that it was coming from the flats being built across the road and it would plague me every weekend for the next few years but thankfully not. They actually managed to dig the road up, lay a new one and paint the lines within about 36 hours, which is fairly impressive and hopefully they'll leave me alone next weekend - though I may be at home. Anyway, I jumped in the shower, dyed my hair and preened myself in preparation for the wedding and somehow only managed to leave myself 30 minutes to dry my hair and pack before Suzanne and Nalini came to get me. I threw a few outfits into a bag along with some bangles and something to sleep in and ran out of the flat. The journey down to Bristol went pretty quickly and we all listened to Live 8 and the tennis before getting to the B&B at about 5pm. The coach wasn't picking us all up til 7pm so we had a fair while to get ready. Suz and Nel decided that I should wear my 50s style dress with my bangles so I looked like I had just stepped out of Grease. We wandered over the road where the coach was waiting which is where we first encountered my ex-boyfriend from about 5 years ago who more or less ignored me, not even a hello or a smile. I had resolved to at least say hello to him at some point over the evening but he wasn't making it very easy for me so in the end I just gave up and just had fun - and to think I was quite looking forward to being all grown up and sensible and putting everything behind us. I think I must have drunk about two or three bottles of wine without having very much to eat all day (or any dinner the night before), which would explain how rough I felt in the morning. I nearly went to the hotel bar with James for a nightcap but thankfully I had my sensible/tired head on and ran out of the bar almost as soon as I got there. Apparently then I just went into our triple bedroom and collapsed in a heap on my bed. I'm not going to talk about how ill and close to fainting I was during the journey home cos it makes me feel unwell just thinking about it.

Went to the Hampstead comedy club with Helena and Jose last night to see Lee Mack, Steve K and Rhod Gilbert. Helena left almost as soon as we got there cos it was so hot and Jose ended up leaving at 10ish to go and meet Gemma cos she forgot her house keys. Lee came over to say hello and announced that he'd been on tour with my ex-boyfriend. Which was news to me... had no idea I had an ex-boyfriend who did comedy - someone, and I will find out who, had told him I had an ex who was a comedian and he seemed to know where I was working etc... hmmm. I set him straight and then he was talking to me about websites and was after enlisting my help so told me to hang about afterwards so he could check he had my number. It was a great night of comedy and I hung around to say hi to Steve K and then wandered to the tube with Rhod. Got home pretty quickly - god, I love living where I live!! Stupidly stayed up til 12:30am putting CDs onto my emac then onto my ipod which means I am nice and tired again today.

Have a choice of too many shows to see tonight. I was going to see Bennett Arron and Robin Ince at the Etc but Michelle and Zena aren't going to be about and I don't think I want to go on my own. Or I could go and see Tim and Alex at the Canal Cafe followed by Steve Furst, or its the Funny Women final. Or I could just go home and sleep - it's Tiff's last night in the flat so I spose it would be quite nice if I was around and I have really terrible stomach pains today so I could do with curling up in a ball on my bed. And Monday is a great night for soaps... Gosh, I am tempted to go home...rather than knacker myself for the entire week - oh and let's not forget that I am going on holiday on Sunday! Shit. I need to go home maybe Friday night to go and pick up some more bits, and maybe my biike. I have just looked up the place in Spain I am going to and it is quite close to Cadiz - just to the left of the little tip on the bottom left of Spain, just the other side from Gibraltar. I then looked up the weather in Cadiz this week and it's 30 degrees. I am going to melt and burn to a crisp. Apparently we shouldn't go outside between 12 and 5pm - how boring. I must pick up some books to read when I go home. It's going to be strange going home. I might do some work on the sitcom when I'm away.

Its 5pm now and I have decided I am definitely going straight home. Going to have to miss out on all of the comedy and just go and lay down. The weekend was too much for me to now cope with seeing two hour long shows tonight. Shame but I am on the verge of falling asleep as it is. And I am going to have spinach and ricotta tortellini and green pesto for my tea. Only another hour or so til I can go home - and if I get the tube I should be home by 7pm. I've been getting the tube to work cos it's so much quicker than the bus but its just so disgustingly hot and I'm never awake enough to stand up so it's absolute hell. But it does only take me about 20 mins to get door to door which is ridiculous. It takes about 40/45 mins on the bus, depending on traffic. So depending on what time I get up - usually as late as possible - at least I have a choice. Got up at about 8.30am today and washed my hair and dried it and made lunch, walked to the tube station and still got to work for 9.35am - nice! So rather than my old routine of being 2 hours from bed to desk, its now about an hour. Worth every penny of my rent I reckon.

Having my small party on Saturday night... there's a fair few people coming so it should be fine though I am beginning to wish I had just waited but I will have another one after Edinburgh... still need to confirm my dates for the festival with my boss. I have already bought my train tickets cos they were too cheap not to, so fingers crossed!